dunno [09 Jul 2004|08:08pm] k first of all happ 17th birthday to my sister (yesterday)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love u girl. and i'm moving and my phone number is changing, dont ask me where or what it is bcuz i dunno. yeah so my life sux and thats about it. bye Fly Away

ripshit [01 Apr 2004|09:07pm] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | bryan adams everything i do ] ok so just when i think that i'm getting over things, i get another thing thrown in my face and i sink back down again. i'm so sick of this shit, and i am so sick of crying myself to sleep b/c of him. i think its total bullshit. and the worst part is he can't even tell me the truth about it, he has to deny it and then use his stupid away messages and profile and friends to give it away. what the hell kind of friend is that? i'm telling u if he doesn't stop acting like my friend to my face but an ass behind my back he and i will be having problems. and thats not a threat thats a fucking promise. let him try and pull shit with me b/c news flash it ain't gonna work. i may be 3000 miles away, but that don't mean i can't so shit, and i think theres some people out there who will find that out the fucking hard way. i'm not playing no more. i don't want to lose my best friend of 12 years over this shit, but you know what these are my feelings people are fucking with and thats not something that i take lightly. sorry. and i'm tired of always being the one whose hurt, i really am. its always me. i'm always the one who ends up fucked over. and i don't want it to happen anymore, and i'm goign to do everything within my power to make sure it won't happen again. so if were really friends then jsut tell me the god dam truth i can handle it, btu what i can't handle is lies and deception. thats something that i can live without. as much as i may not want to live without you, lies and deception is not something that i'm willing to live with. so you have choices and decisions to make. all i'm asking for is the truth. 3 flew Fly Away

umm typical [28 Mar 2004|03:23pm] [ mood | blank ] [ music | sweet child of mine ] ok so my sister decided to put all my pictures online last night. i like some of them but theres a few i wish i could just get rid of, but i can't. oh well sux to be me. hehehe. the past couple of days have been typical, i'm just out here soaking up all the sun i can without killing myselg in the process. b/c ya know us white girls tend to fry a lil bit more. other than that there isn't much going on. went to the movies last night and saw 50 first dates. it was cute, really funny too. friday night went to play pool with cristy and we ended up playing with these two really hot guys, but we were playing against eachother. it was soo much fun until john (my teamamte) dissed my car. i was soo ready to slap the shit out of him. if cristy didn't defend me the way she did i prolly would have. lol. but its ok he was a lil tipsy so maybe someday i'll forgive him. love u and miss everyone back home Fly Away

its early in the morning [26 Mar 2004|03:35am] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | usher-yeah ] its like 330 in the morning and i can't sleep. i have way to many things on my mind right now. i think that its over with nathan and i so i'm going to have to figure out a way to let him go and go back to being just his friend. this could be quite possibly the hardest thing i've had to do in a long time. i think over time i will be ok. at least over time i hope i'll be ok. i should be since i don't have to see him all the time, that should help the process a little bit. well its getting late and the babys awake so i'll be going now. hopefully i get some sleep tonight. 1 flew Fly Away

my poems [24 Mar 2004|09:59pm] here are some of the poems that i wrote to express how i've been feeling the past couple of days. i hope that you enjoy them. Time drifts by endlessly I’m slowly going insane dealing with all the pain of waiting for your call to come day after day it doesn’t anymore and I catch myself wondering why then I start to cry I don’t want to cry over you because I know were through I just wish things were different they didn’t have to end this way so unexpectdly, and in dismay I think about you all the time and I really want to be with you I miss you *Friends Forever* friends forever is what you said to me friends forever is all we’ll be friends forever all these years friends forever through laughter and tears friends forever, things just didn’t work out friends forever without a doubt friends forever is what you said to me friends forever is what we'll have to be *Fairy Tale* I lay on my back staring at the ceiling just thinking of you I wonder what happened I always thought we were perfect together I was living in a fairy tale that fairy tale came to end when you walked out the door and left me laying on my back staring at the ceiling *I Miss You* I miss you there’s nothing more to say I miss you more and more everyday I miss you like the stars miss the midnight sky I miss you as I start to cry I miss you there’s nothing more to say except I miss you *Phone Conversation* the phone rings i hear your gentle voice softly i break down and cry especially on the inside i want so much to tell you how i feel, express to you my inner most thoughts, but more importantly to here you say those three little words words i know that are now forbidden, and will never again be said i hang up the phone with a simple goodbye hurting more than ever and wanting to cry it hurts me more than you'll ever know not to say i love you at the end of the conversation *Feelings* you know my heart is locked and only you posses the key the key to all my dreams my hopes, my fears, my deepist feelings feelings that only you can bring out feelings only felt for you and no one else feelings that a re broken feelings that i wish i never felt Fly Away

depressed [22 Mar 2004|11:31am] ok so it's been over 24 hours and i'm still depressed. nathan decided that we needed to take a break from eachother. which is ok because its what he needs, but i'm just having a hard time dealing with it. i love him soo much and i know that he needs to be alone right now and i respect that. i'm just taking it a lot harder than i thought i would. i guess it's so hard because i'm not there and there's nothign i can do to prevent the situation and i think thats what hurts the most. but i have no clue what to think or what to feel anymore. we are always going to be best friends no matter what, so i guess i'll just have to get over it. Fly Away

confused [18 Mar 2004|01:16am] yeah so its been like 3 months since i've been here, but hey what can i do. and yeah i have a friend who's decided b/c they have problems they're going to treat me like shit. no i don't think so. the problem is my friend means a lot to me and i can't exactly tell them to go fuck themselves b/c then i just might have to crawl in a corner and die. but anyways i think i'm just going to wait until my friend gets straight and then i deal with they're shit. until then i'm just going to sit here and wonder what the hell is wrong with me. lol don't anyone comment on that or i will hurt you. i talked to stash today, she always makes me feel good about myself. thanx girl i love you soo much. i miss everyone but i'll be home soon, hopefully by july. 1 flew Fly Away

YAY! [23 Jan 2004|08:39pm] Sams Journal Fly Away

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